Monday, September 13, 2010

New Favorite

In case any of you writers haven't come across this blog, check it out:

SlushPile Hell

Basically, the site is run by a literary agent who posts excerpts from awful query letters (italicized), then responds with comments of her own. Here are some of my favorites:

I started writing my novel 10 years ago. I never realized it would be this long and hard.

In the words of Michael Scott, “That’s what she said.”

I have an idea for a book about a dog. Before I take the time to write it, can you tell me if dog books are still hot?

I’m glad you didn’t waste your time. Dog books are out. Manatee books are in.

With all due respect, please keep in mind that I am hiring an agent, not applying for a job, and I do insist on keeping a certain amount of mystery surrounding myself for my own protection.

And don’t forget to wear your aluminum foil hat to protect yourself from the government’s mind control signals.

I want an agent who’s confident to get me a 7 figure book deal or high 6 figure deal, not some bull crap deal.

Funny, that’s exactly what I say to editors when I send them a proposal. Works every time.

How do you think it would be to live without emotions?

You do know I’m a literary agent, right?

God told me to write this book and that it would become a bestseller.

I talked to God. He said he was just messing with you.

I feel my book would be perfect for Penguin, Random House, or Simon & Schuster. Can you tell me whether you have good contacts at those publishers?

Sorry, I’ve never heard of those publishers.

The list goes on and on. I know I shouldn't laugh at the failure of others, but in this case, I just can't help myself :)


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  2. I shouldn't laugh either, but I'm more surprised that people have actually said these things to an agent. Yikes! Thanks for the post. I'll check out the link.

  3. ROFL! I loved the "talked to God" one and the book deal one. I love her blog ~ always gives me a laugh. AND makes me feel strangely superior. None of my queries have landed on her list. Yet.

  4. Hahahaha superior, that's the word I was looking for!
    Or competent.

  5. The "talked to God" one reminds me of when Alane Ferguson said, "Honey, God ain't that bad a writer." One of my favorite moments of WIFYR.

    Well, I guess I shouldn't laugh too hard. Wouldn't want to land myself on the list, though I agree with Ali, it does give me a little boost. I'm not hopeless!

  6. Hahahaha I remember when Alane said that! I wrote it down in my notebook :)

  7. ROFL. Love the God one. Glad I haven't made any of these mistakes. :D

  8. I LOVE SlushPile Hell. Love love love.